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I am just about too angry to write. Again.
Just because I remembered about 5 different people ( therapists, psychologists, endocrinologists) have told me to just take some birth control if I want to feel better. WTF? And I'm sitting there wanting to say "... you know what's in that, right?" Seriously, what the fuck. That is absolutely sick. This from those psychologists who claim to be experts on transsexuality (who have actually been the least helpful and most wrong people I've ever met).
Everyone thinks I'm getting a bit too vehement about it. I'm sorry but I find it completely incomprehensibly disgusting that all these people think giving teenage boys progesterone for absolutely no specific reason is a good idea. (Of course that's because they all have the huge underlying mental problem that they think I'm basically female. They think I several huge mental problems of course.) Seriously, this (that they think I'm female) is making them have plenty of absolutely crazy ideas. Also I can't have hormones because I'm too aggressive. So I'd probably end up killing someone or somesuch. [citation needed]. My mother thinks so too, so statistically it's probably me who's delusional. So I'm sitting there glaring at that psychologist wanting to say that by that logic, you ought to castrate all males at 13 or therapize them until they don't seem upset at what you're doing before letting them begin puberty. Since that really does sound a bit crazy I keep my mouth shut a lot. All those therapists now also think I never talk and have no friends. It is a really unfortunate situation. Every time these people say something absolutely stupid, crazy, and disgusting, (which is a whole lot of the time) I can't act very happy, and so they assume I act like I want to stab someone all the rest of my life too.
The mentality seems to be that it's dangerous and risky and wrong etc. to interfere with my body. And therefore it's their decision. WTF this whole system. Did I ask for some "experts" to make my decisions for me? Why can I not have the right to make my own decisions? When did I ask for their opinion? My mother shouted at me that I ought to be more friendly because I'm asking for them to do me a favor. I don't think I ought to be friendly when I am being forced to ask for some "expert"'s approval to get what ought to be my right while they tell me exactly how I ought to live to get their approval and everything they think is wrong with my life. When in fact they themselves are just about the only thing wrong with my life. Maybe they're the delusionally arrogant sort who would rather believe the reason I'm not grateful for their advice is that I'm severely disturbed rather than that they're not right. For whatever reason they think I'm not at all mentally stable and competent in my decisions and so, on a whim, told me they'd rather I come back in 5 months.
I do not intend to get any friendlier. Maybe less sullen, maybe I'll tell them just what is wrong with all this. Yes, I'm self-destructively stubborn and absolutely unable to be above stupid power games. Really, fuck it, because I am never going to those two therapists again after the next time. Either they decide I can have hormones or they don't, in which case screw legally. Incompetent psychologists I am coerced into going to ought only to be disrespected more openly. Yes I am perhaps motivated more by my emotions than by objectivity, but this system just demands some civil disobedience. (I'd love to see one of them forced to be on estrogen and whatnot and told he can't make that type of decision for himself and is overreacting, then see if he seems sane and friendly).
Really this all rather sucks, because nobody seems to share the opinion that these "experts" are the problem or that this whole thing isn't right.
But I really ought to stop shouting at random acquaintances who don't know what's up at all about how my therapist is crazy and I don't need a therapist and I'm being forced into this. I don't think that makes people believe I'm sane.
Everyone thinks I'm getting a bit too vehement about it. I'm sorry but I find it completely incomprehensibly disgusting that all these people think giving teenage boys progesterone for absolutely no specific reason is a good idea. (Of course that's because they all have the huge underlying mental problem that they think I'm basically female. They think I several huge mental problems of course.) Seriously, this (that they think I'm female) is making them have plenty of absolutely crazy ideas. Also I can't have hormones because I'm too aggressive. So I'd probably end up killing someone or somesuch. [citation needed]. My mother thinks so too, so statistically it's probably me who's delusional. So I'm sitting there glaring at that psychologist wanting to say that by that logic, you ought to castrate all males at 13 or therapize them until they don't seem upset at what you're doing before letting them begin puberty. Since that really does sound a bit crazy I keep my mouth shut a lot. All those therapists now also think I never talk and have no friends. It is a really unfortunate situation. Every time these people say something absolutely stupid, crazy, and disgusting, (which is a whole lot of the time) I can't act very happy, and so they assume I act like I want to stab someone all the rest of my life too.
The mentality seems to be that it's dangerous and risky and wrong etc. to interfere with my body. And therefore it's their decision. WTF this whole system. Did I ask for some "experts" to make my decisions for me? Why can I not have the right to make my own decisions? When did I ask for their opinion? My mother shouted at me that I ought to be more friendly because I'm asking for them to do me a favor. I don't think I ought to be friendly when I am being forced to ask for some "expert"'s approval to get what ought to be my right while they tell me exactly how I ought to live to get their approval and everything they think is wrong with my life. When in fact they themselves are just about the only thing wrong with my life. Maybe they're the delusionally arrogant sort who would rather believe the reason I'm not grateful for their advice is that I'm severely disturbed rather than that they're not right. For whatever reason they think I'm not at all mentally stable and competent in my decisions and so, on a whim, told me they'd rather I come back in 5 months.
I do not intend to get any friendlier. Maybe less sullen, maybe I'll tell them just what is wrong with all this. Yes, I'm self-destructively stubborn and absolutely unable to be above stupid power games. Really, fuck it, because I am never going to those two therapists again after the next time. Either they decide I can have hormones or they don't, in which case screw legally. Incompetent psychologists I am coerced into going to ought only to be disrespected more openly. Yes I am perhaps motivated more by my emotions than by objectivity, but this system just demands some civil disobedience. (I'd love to see one of them forced to be on estrogen and whatnot and told he can't make that type of decision for himself and is overreacting, then see if he seems sane and friendly).
Really this all rather sucks, because nobody seems to share the opinion that these "experts" are the problem or that this whole thing isn't right.
But I really ought to stop shouting at random acquaintances who don't know what's up at all about how my therapist is crazy and I don't need a therapist and I'm being forced into this. I don't think that makes people believe I'm sane.